


Pennies and dimes for a kiss

by WeirdV



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Coming Out, Getting Together, M/M, Shrunkyclunks, second chapter will come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-10-21 04:31:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeirdV/pseuds/WeirdV
Summary: Bucky is getting some grub after a night of drinking when none other than the Avengers walk into the place.With them the man responsible for every wet dream he had since 16.He's not sure if it's insanity or the alcohol that makes him do it (probably a bit of both), but he scribbles down his number and walks over to him.___“What just happened?” Tony asks, looking at Steve holding the piece of paper.Steve shrugs, frowning as he unfolds it. “It’s a phone number” he says, “I don’t get it.”“He made a move on you? That is brave!” Natasha grins, leaning backwards to try and read the note.[...]“So, what you going to do about that?” Bruce says, pointing at the note, “Going to let him down easy?”“I don’t know” Steve grins, “He was kind of cute?”Tony spits out his drink, staring at Steve – along with the rest of the table who has gone surprisingly quiet.“Your face” Steve snorts, looking at Tony, “Ok. That was funny. Anyways – I’m exhausted, so I’m going to go now. See you guys at debrief tomorrow."





	1. Hey I just met you

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this prompt down and then wrote this.
> 
> Bucky gives his number to cap in a drunk haze, shocking all the avengers with his bravado.
> 
> Steve – surprisingly – doesn’t just throw it out.

 

Bucky spots them sitting around the table together. Sam is going on about – something – he’s not really paying attention anymore, not now his eye’s fallen on _him._

Thing is, everybody knows about it. The Avengers go for some food after a big fight. There’s a bunch of Instagram pictures of them eating shoarma after the battle of New York. And now they’re here – the little hole in the wall that Bucky and Sam get their pre-drinking burgers every Friday.

And their post drinking burgers at 4am.

Which is why they’re there. And they’re here too – the Avengers – and with them the man responsible for every wet dream Bucky’s had age 16 to 18. Give or take.

He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it until he’s standing right in front of the man, holding out a piece of paper, and smiling.

He takes it, Bucky winks, and then leaves.

[…]

“What just happened?” Tony asks, looking at Steve holding the piece of paper.

Steve shrugs, frowning as he unfolds it. “It’s a phone number” he says, “I don’t get it.”

“He made a move on you? That is brave!” Natasha grins, leaning backwards to try and read the note.

“So – it’s okay to do that now?” he asks slowly, eyes fixated on the note, “I mean, back in my day giving your number to another man would’ve gotten you arrested.”

“Oh yeah, it’s cool now” Tony says, taking a bite from his burger, “Not illegal at all. Men can get married to each other, adopt kids – all that. Sure, there’ll be some haters. But it’s all okay now.”

“So, what you going to do about that?” Bruce says, pointing at the note, “Going to let him down easy?”

“I don’t know” Steve grins, “He was kind of cute?”

Tony spits out his drink, staring at Steve – along with the rest of the table who’ has gone surprisingly quiet.

“Your face” Steve snorts, looking at Tony, “Ok. That was funny. Anyways – I’m exhausted, so I’m going to go now. Debrief tomorrow 8 pm.”

“Don’t you mean 8 am?”

“It’s 4am Tony. So, no, not 8am.”

[…]

Bucky wakes up at noon, a slight headache and a dry mouth, and stumbles out of bed to get himself a glass of water.

He tries to recall the previous night, a few things hazy, and grabs his phone. Luckily drunk Bucky remembered to charge it before passing out. He thumbs through his pictures, a lot of them from him and Sam going out for drinks, getting burgers. A few selfies with random strangers.

And a text from an unknown number.

“You should at least buy me dinner first ;)”

He frowns, trying to remember if he’d given his number to anyone and drawing a blank. He texts Sam, asking if he remembers who he’d given his number to, and Sam calls him.

“Dude, you don’t remember?” Sam laughs, “You gave your number to Steve Rogers – Captain America.”

“Haha, very funny, asshole” Bucky replies, checking his hair in the mirror and sighing – that’s going to need a lot of conditioner to untangle.

“I’m not joking, Barnes. You wrote a note saying I can blow your mind and your dick, and then your phone number. Handed it over to him with a wink” he says, “I took a picture.”

There’s a little ping, and he checks to find a picture of him standing next to Steve Rogers – still in uniform – grinning and handing him a piece of paper.

“Why you asking?” he asks, the sound of a flushing toilet in the background.

“I got a text from an unknown number” he says, “Do you think it’s him?”

“Nah. Maybe you slipped someone else a number when I wasn’t looking” Sam says, “I got to go – I have a late shift at the VA today. You stopping by?”

“I might. I have to go fix my hair first. Talk to you later” he replies, hanging up and pulling up the text again.

He opens the camera, taking a picture of himself and his messy hair, “Let me untangle my hair first, then dinner?” he types out. He checks the picture, cropping it so his prosthetic isn’t visible, and then presses send.

The arm is still a sensitive thing. It’s been two years since the accident – since the ambush that caused him to lose his arm and got him an honourable discharge.

_The thing is, Bucky had always had his looks. He hit puberty hard at 16, had to let down girls at least once a week. He’d gotten love notes, and lyrical descriptions of his ass shoved in his locker. He’d gotten anonymous dick picks – more than he’d liked – and not so anonymous dick picks._

_Anonymous hookups – short term and long term relationships – quickies in bathrooms. Bucky had been around – and he had no regrets at all. Until he turned 20 and his boyfriend of six months dumped him – calling him some colorful names referring to Bucky’s past as a single man. Which he would’ve been cool with, hadn’t his sister been around to hear it. It was just the two of them – Becca had become his legal guardian at 18 when their parents died in a horrible armed robbery. She had heard every little thing that Jason shouted at him – and she’d found him on the couch. Angry and fuming._

_“He’s not wrong though” she’d said._

_So he had packed his bag and left._

_He signed up for the army two months later. Looking for a sense of purpose in his life – had gone through training – studied his ass off, and gotten a great job before getting deployed. He’d done three tours – loving every second of it. Making sergeant and getting a promotion. And then – during his last deployment – he’d hit a snag trying to defuse a bomb. He doesn’t remember much from it. He remember waking up in a bed with his sister sitting next to him – crying. Her hand softly stroking his hair and muttering apologies over and over again. The doctors said it was a miracle he survived. And he agreed, hearing stories about it later, that he could’ve been off worse. He and Becca try to fix their relationship, which wasn’t easy after almost 6 years of barely talking. She had gotten married – was expecting a baby – and he was an amputee._

That was all two years ago now. And he’s okay – all things considered. He met Sam at group therapy, and they’d hit it off. Sam got him into some program that got him a brand new top of the bill prosthetic. Recovery was long and hard, but here he was. Alive and well, still in good shape, with a bionic arm. Sam had gotten him back into the world – after some dark times and being more or less a hermit for almost a year, only leaving the house to go to the gym.

He’s pulled from his thoughts when his phone dings again, a reply to his selfie with a picture.

“Seems kind of unfair that you know my name, but I don’t know yours” it reads, a picture of _motherfucking Steve Rogers lying in his bed_ looking in the camera and grinning.

“James Buchanan Barnes. People call me Bucky” he replies, eyes still fixated on the photo.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky”

[…]

Steve doesn’t really know why he does it. The piece of paper is burning a hole in his pocket – or so it feels – and he pulls it out at 10am when he wakes up.

Him being into guys is a secret. One he’s kept for a long time. First out of fear of persecution, then out of fear of judgment. He’d been in this century for a while now – mostly keeping to himself and staying in his apartment inbetween missions. Trying to shield himself from the horrible things going on and trying to make meaningful connections. And failing.

Sure, he has his teammates, and he gets along with them. But he doesn’t really know them, and they don’t really know him. They look at him and see Captain America, man wearing stars and stripes and fighting for justice. The image used by media to get people to join the army and fight for causes Steve Rogers never believed in. They call him Cap instead of Steve, and try to set him up with women. Steve knew he was gay since before the word existed. Him and his childhood friend had spent many a night together – exploring each other and muttering sweet things in each other’s ears. Keeping hidden in their apartment, sharing a bed under the guise of poverty – which wasn’t a complete lie. Steve followed him into war, tried to safe him, watch him fall to his death. Steve had directed his plane into the ice because living without him was just too fucking painful.

Not that he ever told anyone.

Although he’s pretty sure Peggy figured it out.

An intense wave of loneliness and longing comes over him as he pulls out his phone and types in the man’s number. Thinking about what to type before settling on something about buying dinner first and hitting send.

The selfie comes a few moments later and his breath catches, the man is even more gorgeous than he remembers. His messy hair framing his face, his abs on display, and a sleepy grin on his face.

[…]

They keep texting, and Bucky doesn’t really know why. Steve Rogers is Captain America, he can get whoever he wants. So why is he texting Bucky? And why is Bucky replying to him.

 **S.R.** So what are your plans for today?

 **J.B.** Going to drop by the VA

 **S.R.** You ex-military?

 **J.B.** Honorable discharge 2 yrs ago. I give you permission to do a background check.

 **S.R.** Why would I do that?

 **J.B.** Idk. Because I might be a safety risk?

 **S.R.** I decided to trust you.

 **S.R.** Why’d you give me your number?

 **J.B.** I was kind of drunk. You’re also very hot.

 **S.R.** Thanks. You too.

 **J.B.** Flattery will get you everything.

 **S.R.** How about an address?

 **J.B.** I might be persuaded.

 **J.B.** Got to go. My sister just showed up. Ttyl

 **S.R.** Ttyl xo

“Who are you texting?” Becca asks, pushing her daughter into his arms.

“Someone” he smiles at Jamie, “I didn’t know you were stopping by today?”

“I was in the neighborhood. Sam texted me, said you might be hungover” she says, “So I figured a kid would be an excellent idea.”

The girl grabs at his hairs and pulls it, hard. She’s lucky she’s cute.

“I hate you” he says as she kisses his cheek.

“Yeah, I know” she grins, walking in and making her way to the kitchen and the coffee machine, “Tell me about this guy!”

“I got wasted and gave him my number. And he texted me. So I replied.”

“You think that’s a good idea? Getting drunk and giving your number to complete strangers?”

“Becca, I’ve been celibate for the past 2 years” he says, gesturing towards his arm, “This thing hasn’t really given me the confidence to hand out my number sober.”

“I’m sorry, Bucky” she sighs, watching as he places Jamie in her high chair, “For everything.”

“It wasn’t really your fault, sis.”

“If I hadn’t said those terrible things, you never would have…” she swallows. They’ve had this conversation so often now, it’s exhausting.

“Maybe. But signing up was the best decision I ever made” he says, “And we’re okay now, right? I mean, you named your kid after me, after all.”

“Her name is Jameson.”

“Yeah yeah, you can deny all you want, I know the truth.”

[…]

“Good evening” Tony smirks at Steve as he walks in, “Sleep okay?”

“Yeah, great. You?” he asks, Tony shrugs, it’s not a secret that the billionaire genius hardly ever gets a good night’s rest.

“Good enough” he replies, “ready for debrief?”

“Yup.”

His phone dings again, and he opens it to find a picture of Bucky holding a baby. The girl is sucking on a pacifier and has her hands in his hair, Bucky pulling a pained face as she pulls his hair and he kisses her forehead.

 **J.B.** When your sister drops by with her kid, and you forgot to put your hair in a bun.

 **S.R.** I don’t know who’s cuter. You or her.

 **J.B.** I fear she might win that contest.

“Who are you texting?” Tony asks, leaning back to try and glance at the screen.

“None of your fucking business, Tony” Steve says, causing Tony’s eyes to widen.

“Language” he says, grinning widely.

“You’re never gonna let me forget about that, are you?” Steve asks, sighing and shaking his head, Tony snorts.

“Nope” he replies, holding the door open for Steve, “Let’s get this thing over and done with.”

[…]

 **J.B.** Can you keep a secret?

 **S.R.** Have you read any articles about Captain America being gay?

 **J.B.** No

 **S.R.** Then I’m very good at keeping a secret. What’s up?

 **J.B.** I haven’t been with anyone since I got back from my last tour.

 **S.R.** Neither have I

 **J.B.** I’d imagine you’d get a lot of offers.

 **S.R.** I would imagine you get a lot of offers too

 **J.B.** I do. Until they see the arm, then they kind of just – disappear.

 **S.R.** Arm?

**J.B.**

[image attached]

A shirtless selfie of Bucky’s reflection in a bathroom. His arm reflecting the batroom right, the phone covering his face.

The arm. How about you?

 **S.R.** Mostly girls. Not really my thing. Or people who want to do Captain America, but not Steve Rogers.

 **J.B.** Please tell me they don’t ask you to wear the suit.

 **S.R.** Wish I could.

 **J.B.** Damn. That sucks.

 **S.R.** It is what it is

 **J.B.** Doesn’t mean it’s okay

 **S.R.** a lot of people would disagree with that

 **S.R.** Have to go. Meeting. xo

 **J.B.** Have fun. Xo

[…]

They keep texting, and most of the time Bucky forgets he’s talking to Captain America. It slips his mind – he’s talking to Steve. A dorky guy who’s afraid of coming out. It’s a strange realization to know that Bucky has been out since he was 14, while Steve – at 28 – doesn’t even know how to do it. Of course he has a lot more at stake.

“What’s on your mind, Bucky” Sam asks, bumping his shoulder against him.

“Nothing. Just – thinking. Why?” he replies, pocketing his phone and looking up at his friend.

“I got some great news” he grins, “I have been invited to some fancy ass veterans gala.”

“That’s awesome. Free snacks and drinks?” he asks.

“Open bar baby. And they asked me to bring 5 people from the VA. So you’re coming with me” he says, pointing his fork towards him, “Time to dust off that suit and cut your hair.”

“Dust of the suit, I can do. But I am not cutting my hair” he says, grinning at his friend, “You sure you want to take me, though?”

“Yeah. Galas are boring if you can’t take your best pall” he shrugs, “It’s this Friday, so we’re going to have to postpone our drinking.”

“I thought you said open bar?”

“I did. But there’ll be some highly placed people there” he says, “Rumor has it some Avengers might even show up.”

“Yeah?”

“Uhuh. If you’re lucky, Cap won’t remember you slipping him a suggestive note with your number”

[…]

 **J.B.** What is this?

 **S.R.** What is what?

 **J.B.** This thing. Between us. The texting – the flirting?

 **S.R.** It’s – good

 **J.B.** it is. Are we ever going to get past texting?

 **S.R.** I was hoping so.

 **J.B.** Like, meet up? Have dinner?

 **S.R.** I’m always slightly hungry. You

 **J.B.** Starving. Was going to order pizza. Want to join?

 **S.R.** text me ur address. I’ll come over.

 **J.B.** Seriously?

 **S.R.** Text me your address and find out

 **J.B.** 74 Bleecker street.

There’s no reply after that, and Bucky’s pretty sure he’s not going to show up. But part of him, a very small part, hopes. So he orders two pizzas instead of one – he van always put the leftover in his fridge – and brushes his hair.

There’s a knock on his door 30 minutes later, and when he opens up there’s a man wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap.

“Hi” he smiles, and Bucky just stares at him, “So, pizza?”

Bucky nods, speechless, and steps aside so he can come in.

“I – I didn’t really think you’d come” he admits.

“I figured.”

“I don’t understand”

“I like you, Bucky. You make me laugh, you’re cute. You’re also the only man brave enough to slip me his phone number.”

“I was drunk.”

“You’re not the first drunk man I’ve run into after a fight, Buck” he smirks, looking around the place.

“So – I’m pretty much your only option” Bucky frowns, “I don’t know if I’m flattered or insulted about that.”

“You should be flattered” Steve says, “You’re the only one I’ve told I’m gay. The only one I’ve trusted.”

“That kind of brings me to a painful point” Bucky says, biting his lip nervously, “I’ve been with closeted guys before, Steve. It’s not really something I want to do again.”

“I understand that”

“So. What now?” he asks, “What happens next?”

“Whatever you want to happen” he replies, looking straight into Bucky’s eyes.

“Anything at all?”

“Anything you want”

“That’s a dangerous thing to say, Steve” he says slowly, taking a step closer, “very dangerous.”

“You know. People seem to forget that, beneath it all, I’m only human” he says slowly, “That I _want_ and _need_ sometimes.”

“What is it you _want?”_

“Whatever you’re willing to give me.”

[…]

He wakes up to a loud ringing the next morning, sleepily grabbing for his phone and bringing it to his ear.

“Who’s this?” he mumbles, slowly sitting up and glancing at the sleeping man beside him, “What time is it?”

“It’s your sister, James” Becca says on the phone, “And it’s almost 10. I was checking to see if you’re up yet. You still okay to watch Jamie today, right?”

“Uh. Yeah, sure” he says, “When would you get here?”

“Fifteen minutes” she says, “You better be showered and dressed.”

“I will be” he says, “See you soon, sis.”

He hangs up, looking at Steve as he slowly blinks and looks at him, “You expecting someone?” he asks.

“My sister. I promised to watch Jamie today” he explains, “She’ll be here in ten.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No. Unless you want to.”

“I don’t” he say softly, “Maybe I do want to take a shower though.”

[…]

“Bucky?” his sister glances towards the bathroom door, “Is there someone under your shower?”

“Yes” he says, making faces at his niece.

“Did you hook up with someone last night?” she asks slowly, grinning widely.

“I did” he says, “why? Why are you smiling?”

“Nothing – I’m just, happy for you” she grins, “I know you hadn’t since – you know.”

“Can we not get into this?” he sighs, “Please?”

The sounds of running water stops, and there’s a soft humming coming from behind the door. The door opens 5 minutes later, and Steve steps out drying his hair with a towel, dressed in his jeans and shirt from the night before.

“Hi” he smiles, “You must be Becca?”

“I am. And you are – holy _shit_ ” she stares at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“It’s rude to stare, sis” Bucky snorts, placing his niece in her high chair, “Be nice to Steve.”

“You’re. With Bucky?” she asks, “My little brother.”

“Kind of” he grins, staring at said man, “We still have a lot to discuss.”

“Becca – please don’t be weird about this?” Bucky begs her, pulling a banana from a bowl to cut up and give to Jamie, “Please?”

“When have I ever been weird about guys you dated?” she argues, taking in Bucky’s response and pulling a face, “Okay, yeah. That’s fair. Sorry.”

“I feel like I’m missing something here”

“Becca might have walked in on me giving someone a blow job when I was 17” Bucky laughs, “It was so fucking awkward. I’ll tell you all about it later.”

He smiles, walking up to Bucky and kissing his cheek, “You’re so cute.”

“Okay, I’d love to stay and interrogate you, but I have to go” she says, “I’ll be back at 4pm. Thanks bro.”

[…]

“I can’t believe you stuck around to hang out with me and my baby niece” he says, “You’re perfect.”

“ _You_ are perfect” he replies, “And hot. Sexy. Irresistible”

“I’m not” he says, swallowing hard, “I used to do some dumb thing.”

“I doubt that. And even if you did – we all do dumb things” Steve argues with a soft smile.

“When I was 16 – I was pretty popular. You know how most teenagers are really awkward?” Steve nods, “I wasn’t like that at all. At the risk of sounding pretentious. I was pretty good looking. Which had an effect on people, and – I liked that. A lot. Maybe a little too much at times.”

“You dated a lot of people then?” Steve asks.

“I didn’t exactly – _date_ them” he sighs, “Hookups. Some private – some not so much. One of them – he filmed it. It’s online – somewhere. I sued him, but you know what it’s like. Once it’s on the internet, you can’t undo it.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you” Steve says, “I’m not judging you for what you did when you were younger, Bucky. I probably would’ve been the same if it wouldn’t have gotten me arrested.”

“I’m sorry you had to grow up in a time you couldn’t be yourself” he says, “It must have sucked.”

“Kind of” he shrugs, “I’m just glad I survived it.”

“Me too.”

They sit across eachother silently, staring at each other.

“What did I do to deserve someone like you” Bucky asks him.

“You got drunk and slipped me your number”

“The perfect start to a love story, isn’t it” Bucky grins, “I can’t believe you actually texted me.”

“Neither can I” the man admits, “I – I know what you said about dating someone who isn’t out yet. I just – I need some time. If that’s okay.”

“I don’t need you to tell the world Steve” he explains, “I just don’t want to be introduced to your friends as a roommate or a _close friend_ when we’re actually dating.”

“Dating huh?”

“I was hoping, yeah.”

“Yeah, so was I.”

 

 

 

 


	2. And this is crazy

It’s a strange feeling, Bucky thinks as he stares at his phone. Three weeks ago he was just going through his life – going for drinks with Sam and trying not to think about things too much. Especially his future.

But now, it’s all he wants to think about. Especially now Steve was hoping to maybe be something in the future. Something _more._ There’s a message notification blinking on the screen from him, and he just feels so – _guilty._ Steve mentioned people only being into him because he’s captain America. But what made him any different than those people? Wasn’t that the exact reason he gave the man his number? The only difference was that Steve actually texted him.

_“First of all, no, Bucky” Becca scolds him, “You were not obsessed with captain America. I remember okay. That poster on your bedroom wall was not him in uniform. It was that picture from the museum, from before the serum. It’s different.”_

_“How is that different, Becca?” he sighs, “I’m a creep and he thinks I’m not.”_

_“Do you like him?” she asks, he nods, “Why? What do you like about him?”_

_“He’s funny” Bucky says, “He’s really sweet with Jamie when I watch her and he comes over. He makes really gorgeous paintings. He’s the first person that didn’t flinch when first seeing my arm.”_

_“All those reasons are pretty valid. And none of them are because he’s a super hero” she notes, “Talk to him, okay?”_

_“Yeah. Okay.”_

He thumbs open the message.

 **S.R.** omw

He opens the door nervously, and is surprised to find Steve looking almost equally nervous. “I have a confession to make” Steve says, letting himself into the apartment, “I uhm. When I texted you back, that day, I wasn’t really planning on letting it get this far.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just figured we’d spent the night together, have some fun, and then move on. But then you turned out to be – well _you_. And we had a lot in common and I’ve been telling myself to walk away before one of us gets hurt but I just can’t.”

“I used to be obsessed with you” Bucky blurts out, causing Steve to freeze up and stare at him, “I wrote a paper about you. And I mean you, Steve. Not you, Captain America. A whole dissertation about how you grew up and were a little shit with a strong sense of morality.”

“Oh?” the man frowns at him, not sure why Bucky is telling him this.

“I just – when I saw you walk in that night it was as if all my wet dreams had come true. But then I got to know you even better and you’re funny, and sweet, and so stubborn” he sighs, “I just – I didn’t expect to fall for you either.”

“You fell for me?” he asks, a blush rising up on his cheeks – and damn, that’s adorable.

“Look, I just. I want to get to know you better. I’m not sure if I’m ready to put labels on it yet” he confesses, “I just – I like you. A lot. That’s all.”

He’s blushing again, he can’t help it, and just stares at his feet.

“So – take it slow?” he asks, Bucky nods, “Okay. Slow is good. I can do slow.”

“Thanks” he takes another deep breath, “Sam invited me to the Avenger gala this weekend.”

“Are you going?” he asks.

“Yeah. I think so” he smiles again, “I just wanted to know how you want me to act around you, since we’re not officially… you know?”

“Uhm. I usually try to get out of these events as quickly as possible” he admits, “Leave after 30 minutes. But if I remember correctly Tony mentioned something about a dinner with veterans… so we might have to sit at a table together.”

“Is there going to be press?” he asks, “I can – I can cancel.”

“First ten minutes they get to take pictures and ask questions, after that Tony kicks them out and blocks all electronics” he tells Bucky, “It’s your choice, Bucky. I’m not going to put you into a position that makes you uncomfortable!”

“I know” he smiles, taking a step towards him and slowly placing an arm around him, “I trust you.”

“Hmm. I trust you too” he mutters back as Bucky places his lips on his neck, “Somehow.”

[…]

His skin is buzzing and Sam keeps glancing at him with a grin on his face. They’re in a line, waiting to greet the Avengers officially. Bucky is in his uniform, wearing his medals – as was requested – and keeps looking behind him. Sam’s in his uniform too, medals pinned to it. They’re getting closer to the line and then – before he’s even aware of it, he’s standing in front of Tony Stark.

“You look familiar” the man says, frowning. Bucky feels like cursing, it’s taking everything he’s got to not just turn around and leave.

“Ah, uhm. You designed my arm?” he says, raising his shiny hand hesitantly, causing the billionaire to squint at him.

“That’s not it” he smirks, “Weren’t you the guy that slipped his number to Captain America?”

“Look, I was really drunk, okay” he sighs, “Please don’t ever mention it again.”

“Oh no. That was amazing, seriously. Bravest thing I’d ever seen happening at 4am” he grins, glancing at Sam, “You were there, weren’t you.”

“I filmed it” Sam says, Bucky just sighs, “I’ll dm it to you.”

“Excellent” he smiles, “Nice to meet you guys again. Hope you have fun tonight. Thank you for your service.”

“Yeah, thanks” Bucky wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole, they move along the line and then end up at Steve.

“Hi” he smiles, and Sam curses.

“Oh my fucking god” he whispers, “You didn’t?”

“What?” both Steve and Bucky stare at him, “Didn’t what?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t fucking tell me” he whispers angrily, “Damn, Bucky!”

“Sam, I don’t know what you’re talking about” Bucky mutters through his teeth.

“I have known you for two years, Bucky. That look right there, the one on your face. I know exactly what that means” he grins, Bucky’s just glad his whispering and not shouting, “you’ve been doing it.”

Steve’s eyes widen, looking around to see if anyone’s heard, but it looks like nobody is paying them any attention.

“I can’t believe you” Sam grins, “We are going to talk about this later. A lot.”

“Uh” Steve shakes Sam’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Stevie-boy” Tony appears behind him and clasps his shoulder, “You might think you recognize this man, James Barnes. Well, this is the gentleman that slipped you his number. Though you never told me what else he wrote on it.”

“And I never will” Steve says, “Also, don’t call me Stevie.”

“Noted” he smiles, “I’m going to go mingle. Have fun, Cap. Gentlemen!”

He nods at them and then disappears into the mass of people.

[…]

They don’t cross paths a lot while the press is there, but as soon as they leave and they’re seated for dinner he ends up sitting across from Steve. There’s eight other people there, and since their focus is mostly on the superhero amongst them, they’re not really paying much attention to Bucky.

Dinner is nice, everyone at the table is from the military, and they share stories – Steve does too – about their experiences. It’s actually really nice, the feeling that they have shared experiences always makes him feel less alone.

“It kinda sucks though” Steve says, “When we fought in the war, it was so nobody would ever have to do it again. Yet here we are.”

“That’s everyone’s motivation to fight, Cap” Bucky says, “But I don’t think we can compare the war you fought to the one we did. For one thing, we had better weather.”

Steve snorts and smiles, “I suppose you’re right” he says, “Half my unit was drafted, they didn’t choose to go to war. At least you all had a choice. I’m glad that changed.”

“Yeah” Sam nods, something flickers across his face and Bucky knows he’s thinking of Riley. Bucky knew Riley, at least for a bit. They were stationed overseas together for two months. Sam and Bucky hadn’t even realized they were talking about the same person until he came across a photo in Sam’s living room. They didn’t really talk about it though. Bucky sighs, trying to shake the thoughts and focus on happier memories. Like Steve, sitting across from him and smiling at him.

The evening goes on for a few more hours. Every avenger present passes their table, Tony seems to enjoy dropping by and making some comments on Bucky and Steve’s previous encounter. Bucky would ask him to stop, but it makes Steve blush and he just can’t resist that.

But the evening does end – eventually – and he and Sam take a cab together, back to Sam’s place, where Bucky can walk home.

“So, you and Steve, huh?” he asks, as they get out of the car.

“How did you even know that?” he asks, scrubbing his face with his hands and looking up at his friends, “What gave it away?”

“He started blushing when he saw you, and you got this really smug look on your face” he said, “We will talk about this. Tomorrow, when I’m not exhausted.”

“Okay” he nods, “Tomorrow.”

Sam goes inside, and Bucky turns around to walk home. When he gets there, Steve is waiting by his door, with a cap and sunglasses.

“Worst disguise ever” Bucky laughs and Steve shrugs, “Wanna come in?”

“Yes please!”

[…]

They’re sitting next to each other on Bucky’s couch, quietly. He’s not sure why Steve showed up, it’s nice, but he wasn’t expecting it.

“I was thinking” he starts, taking a deep breath, “I – uhm – I really like you. And I was thinking, maybe you liked me too?”

“I do” Bucky agrees.

“So – I was hoping, maybe we could” he takes another deep breath, “Uhm – be exclusive?”

“Steve Rogers – are you asking to be my boyfriend?” he asks teasingly, enjoying the blush that flares up on his cheeks.

“Yeah” he mumbles quietly.

“You haven’t really done this before, have you?” he asks.

“Well, during my last relationship being exclusive was easy because going out looking for someone else wasn’t really safe” he shrugs.

There’s a short silence again, “So – uhm. Do you want to? Be my – uhm – boyfriend?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”


	3. but here's my number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3  
> Yes, I added a fourth chapter.  
> This is totally getting out of control

Steve is feeling on edge. Like all his synapses are firing off at once and he can’t control it. He decided. He is going to tell someone he has a boyfriend.

 _Boyfriend_. That sounds so – _nice._

He’s in the lounge. It’s a pretty nice lounge, as Tony likes to mention        often. The Avengers tower is a surprisingly nice place to hang out – maybe a massive security risk to gather all of them in a tower that’s easy to spot from afar. He tries to push those thoughts down when they come up.

The entire place gives him stress. He’s gotten good at hiding it though. Reacting to Tony’s sarcastic comments without second thought. Dodging every blind date Natasha tries to set him up with. Trying to avoid Sharon after their awkward conversation. He’s lost in thought when the door opens and Tony walks in with Bruce –talking about something science he doesn’t quite understand.

“Stevie” Tony grins, clapping him on the back, “How’ve you been?”

“You know I don’t like being called Stevie, Tony” he sighs – the nickname hits memories he’d rather not associate with work. Before it’s what his mother called him when he was sick, now Bucky calls him that when he wants something. Bucky always wants something, mostly something that Steve’s willing to give – gladly.

“I’ll try to remember” he says, even though he never does, “How’ve you been? Haven’t seen you around here for a while!”

“I’m good” he smiles, “How about you?”

“Okay. A little bird told me you haven’t been spending a lot of nights at your apartment this week” he says, giving him a sly smile.

“Tell the little birdy to stop invading my privacy” he says, he knows it’s not Tony’s fault that they check on him regularly. After all, they spent a lot of money on creating him into what he is – and even more money on bringing him back from the ice.

“I’ll pass along the message” he says, “Seriously though – should we worry about you?”

“You don’t need to worry, Tony. I just” he takes a deep breath, “met someone.”

Bruce and Tony stare at him, gaping for a second, before regaining their stature.

“That’s great Steve” Bruce says, “You look happy. She must be something special.”

“He”

“What?”

“He is something special” he corrects, looking down at his feet.

“Oh” Tony freezes, “That’s cool. Yeah – uhm.”

“Tony?” Bruce places his hand on the man’s shoulder and Tony frowns at him, “It’s cool.”

“Yeah. Sorry I’m being weird. I just wasn’t expecting that” he admits, “Want to tell us about him?”

“Remember the drunk guy that gave me his number? He was at the gala a while back?” he asks, the men both nod, “Yeah. Him.”

“Is he a good guy?” Bruce asks hesitantly, “I mean – all I saw of him was a drunk guy slipping you his number.”

“He’s a good guy” Steve grins, “Ex military. He’s doing some freelance work at the moment. Mostly so he can babysit his niece when his sister has to work. He’s really funny too, you’d like him.”

“We’d love to meet him, Steve” Bruce says, ready to say something else when his phone interrupts him, “I have to take this, sorry.”

He disappears, leaving Steve and Tony by themselves.

“Are you okay with this, Tony?” Steve asks uncertainly, a bit surprised by Tony’s reaction.

“Yeah – it’s just – uhm” he scratches the back of his head, “My dad – he used to talk about you all the time. So much that mom and Peggy started making jokes that you two had an affair and I just – uhm.”

“Oh god, Tony – no” Steve grins, “No offence – but Howard wasn’t really my type.”

“Okay – some offence taken” he says.

“Howard was nice, you know. But he was too much of a ladies man. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve fallen for straight men. But when I knew your dad I was kind of – seeing someone” he says, taking a deep breath, “So uhm – it was never going to happen.”

“Oh. Did he…?”

“Yeah – I uhm” he stares at his feet, “He died – and then I didn’t really want to live anymore. I was on that airplane – and I just… saving all those people was important, but the biggest appeal was just being able to forget.”

“And then they brought you back” Tony completes the thought, “When my parents died… I wasn’t in a good place. I got drunk – and then I got in a car. People thought I didn’t know what I was doing – but I did. I was very aware of what I was doing when I drove into that tree.”

“You survived” Steve says, “I’m glad you did.”

“I’m glad you survived too” he smiles weakly, “I’d love to meet your guy. In better circumstances than the Gala maybe. What was his name again? James?”

“He goes by Bucky” Steve grins, “You’d like him. He’ll hate you. I’ll plan a dinner.”

His phone dings and he can’t help but grin.

“That him huh?” he smirks, “Making you blush.”

“Oh, shut up” he can’t help but smiling, “I have to go.”

“See you later!”

[…]

“He didn’t?” Bucky smirks, “He thought you and his dad had a thing?”

“I know” Steve bites his lip, “I mean – I did flirt with him a bit.  But I figured I shouldn’t tell him that.”

“You flirted with Howard Stark?” Bucky asks, frowning at him, “Seriously?”

“Well – I can’t get drunk. Had to get a kick somehow, right?” he grins and Bucky laughs, “Let’s get to bed.”

“I like the way you think”

[…]  

Steve wakes up feeling groggy – the way you get after getting enough sleep and but not being used to it – and the sound of his phone going off, loudly.

“Make it stop” Bucky groans, his arm flapping into his face as Steve grabs his phone and swipes the screen.

Only to be confronted by Tony’s face.

“Are you still in bed?” he asks, frowning on the little screen. Steve’s pretty caught up with technology, and although he gets the appeal of video chatting – there should definitely be a law against it happening this early.

“Why are you calling?” he asks, trying not to yawn.

“I was just checking if we were still on for this afternoon” he says, then pauses, “Wait – that’s not your apartment, is it?”

“How would you know?”

“Who do you think arranged the interior of your place, Cap?”

“Pepper” he replies.

“Okay, true. But she showed me afterwards” he admits, grinning on the camera.

“Is there anything important, Tony?” he asks, trying not to sound annoyed. After all, they are friends – and Steve doesn’t have enough of those to be rude to.

“Yeah, possible mission” he says, which is the exact time that Bucky decides to turn and pull away the blanket.

“Was that – please tell me I didn’t interrupt.”

“Tony, it’s morning – we were asleep.”

“It’s actually almost noon” he corrects Steve, making the man frown and glance at the clock hanging over the door.

“Stevie, please make the noise stop” Bucky mutters, “He’s so _loud!_ ”

“Is that your boo? Can I talk to him?” Tony grins widely, trying to look out of the screen – which as far as Steve knows is something he already managed to do.

“That’s not really up to me, is it?” Steve sighs.

“Are you at his place?” Tony’s frowning, suddenly sounding serious.

“Why is that important?”

“Because you’re captain America – has there been a security check?” he asks.

“For fuck’s sake, Stark. I’m ex-military – I do a security sweep of my own place twice a day” Bucky grumbles out of sight, “Hells, I freelance as a security officer most of the time.”

Add to that, that I’m _Captain America_ , Tony. I’m pretty sure I’m okay.” He says, “Anything else?”

“I don’t think so. Debrief about the possible mission is later today, I’ll send you the details” he says, “Invite your boyfriend over for brunch tomorrow, Pepper’s orders.”

“I can’t tomorrow, I’m watching Jamie” he says, “I could bring her – but I don’t think hanging out with human targets is a safe environment for her.”

“Jamie?”

“His niece”

“Cute” he says, “We have a daycare – a lot of my employees have kids.”

“Okay – I’m gonna hang up now, bye Tony” Steve sighs, swiping the screen again and putting the phone aside.

“Please tell me he doesn’t call you every morning” Bucky yawns, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed to get up, “I have a gig tonight – not sure when it’s ending.”

“What kind of gig?” Steve asks, watching as Bucky gets up and looks around for his shirts.

“Some movie premiere I think. The agency called and asked if I could do a bodyguard job” he says, “It’s good money. And if they’re happy they’ll send more jobs like it my way.”

“Text me when you get home?” he asks, Bucky nods as he picks up his jeans and tosses them into the hamper.

“I got to do laundry today, want me to throw anything of yours into the machine?” he asks.

“I don’t think I got much laying around your place” he says, “I’ll have to wear the same clothes going home. So you can’t really wash them.”

“You’re welcome to leave some shirts over here” he says with a weak grin, “Just so you can put on something clean in the morning.”

“Yeah?” he asks, “You sure?”

“I am” he grins, “Wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t.”

He glances at Steve, who’s still lounging in the bed, the sheet at his waist, “Now – I was going to take a shower before I have to head out. Want to join?”

[…]

“So – we might have to intervene” Tony ends debrief, “Right now we have agents on the scene – keeping tabs. Local authorities have asked not in intervene unless absolutely necessary.”

“Finished in time for dinner” Natasha grins, looking at her watch, then glancing over at Steve, “You don’t have dinner plans?”

“Nope! Why?”

“I figured you might be running out here to meet up with a certain someone” she says, glancing over her shoulder at the door.

“Nah, Buck’s working” he says, “Security gig at some movie premiere, apparently.”

“Fancy” she smiles, “Do you know what movie? Maybe he’ll be in the background of some interview?”

“No idea” he shrugs, “He didn’t tell, so I didn’t ask. Apparently some of his clients are famous actors that prefer staying off the radar.”

“That makes sense” she replies, checking her clock, “What are your evening plans?”

“I was going to go for a run” he says, “I didn’t go this morning, need to work off some extra energy.”

“Cool. Have fun, Steve” she smiles, leaning forward and kissing his cheek, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

[…]

Bucky’s not sure how it happens, one moment he’s standing behind his client, keeping an eye out and minding his own business, next thing he knows there’s a  microphone in his face asking who he’s here with.

“I’m providing security, ma’am” he says, keeping his face in check. Trying not to show that the microphone caught him completely off guard.

His client shows up, hooking her arm in his and smiling at the camera.

“I know he’s good looking enough to be on the big screen” she grins, “But mister Barnes is one hell of an agent. I will certainly be using his services again. Who knows, maybe try and woo him.”

And then – without being able to stop himself, Bucky blurts out, “I’m gay. Sorry.”

There’s an awkward silence, and then the woman just giggles, “Ah well – can’t know if you don’t ask” she smiles at the interviewer, “We have to go inside.”

The rest of the evening is less awkward than Bucky feared. Luckily his client is not annoyed by the situation, “You actually did me a favor. This means I can use your services and the press won’t be making up stories about us being in a relationship.”

“That’s a good thing, I’m guessing?” he asks, “I mean – I’ve done many security gigs, just none this public. I hope I didn’t overstep.”

“No stress, Mr. Barnes. You managed surprisingly well for being put on the spot like that” she smiles at him again, and Bucky feels only a little bit bad for not knowing why she’s famous.

She was the star of some huge show while he was oversees, did some guest roles, and now she was on the second movie of some trilogy she was the lead in. he knew she was famous, her face looked familiar, and he’s sure she was on a billboard he passed on the way to Steve last week.

“Thank you” he smiles politely, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket and checking his watch, “Would you mind if I took a short bathroom break?”

“Not at all, I don’t need much security inside. As long as you are back before the end of the event. Or – let’s be honest – in about an hour when I sneak out.”

“Thank you” he repeats, giving her a nod and moving towards the bathroom as he pulls out his phone. It’s a text from Steve – more specifically a selfie – a bathroom selfie.

He can’t help but snort – his boyfriend is such a hipster. Not that he knows what a hipster is. Although, Bucky has the shoulder length hair, the messy half bun and usually wears boots. So maybe he’s kind of a hipster too.

“Let me know when you’re on your way home”

He types out a quick reply. He’d given Steve the spare key to his place that morning, but he knows he’d feel awkward using it. Knowing Steve, he’ll be outside his door waiting for him.

[…]

Steve gets a text at a quarter past midnight. He’s already outside Bucky’s place.

[…]

“It’s no problem” Bucky repeats, “I can take a cab.”

“Of course not. I have this car anyways. It’s no trouble to drop you off before I go home” his client keeps insisting, and he doesn’t want to seem rude by refusing her kindness.

“If you’re sure, thank you” he nods again, and the driver puts his address into the GPS, “I should send a text – let them know I’m on my way.”

“Have you been in private security for long?” she asks.

“Not that long. About a year now.”

“You’re ex-military, right?” she asks, he nods, “So, discharged a year ago?”

“Two years” he says, she frowns, “I had some physical therapy before I was fit to go back to work.”

“Physical therapy?” she frowns, and he grins a bit.

“I – uhm – have a prosthetic” he clarifies, taking off his glove, “A fancy one, though.”

“Oh – wow. I read about those, Stark, right?” she asks, Bucky nods, “My brother is stationed overseas right now. He’s coming home in six months.”

“Must be difficult” she nods, “I have a sister. We weren’t talking when I enlisted. Getting my arm blown off did wonders for our relationship though.”

She snorts, “I can imagine.”

“Sir, we’ve arrived at your destination” the driver interrupts.

The car stops, and there’s the sound of a motorcycle outside the car. Bucky recognizes the sound anywhere.

“Thank you for the ride” he smiles at her, all in all this job wasn’t all that bad.

“No problem. It was nice meeting you, Mr. Barnes. I’ll definitely be using your service again” she moves to get out of the car with him, and he’s not sure what to do. Will she see Steve – he’s pretty hard to miss.

His eye falls on Steve the second he gets out of the car, and Steve grins at him.

“Hey Buck” he says, stepping off his bike and kicking down the foot, “You had a good – night?”

He freezes when the woman gets out, not taking another step closer.

“Thank you for your excellent work tonight” she says, sticking out her hand to Bucky, he takes it, and she uses it to slip him a hundred dollar bill.

“I’ll see you around, Mister Barnes” she smiles one last time, turning back towards the car, when her eye falls on Steve. She pauses for a second, squinting at him – Bucky’s never been more happy that it’s already dark out, before getting into the car again and driving off.

“That was weird” Steve says, finally stepping closer, “What was that all about?”

“She gave me a tip” he grins, holding up the bill, “I’m not complaining.”

“Do you think she recognized me?” he asks, frowning slightly.

“I don’t know, babe. Maybe? But it was dark outside. And even if she did, she’ll probably just think we’re friends” he grins, “Of course, this wouldn’t have been a problem if you’d just used the key I gave you this morning.”

“Ugh, don’t be such a know it all” Steve smirks, “Let’s just go inside okay?”

“Though you’d never ask” he replies, following Steve inside. He unlocks the door and Steve immediately falls down on the couch as he gets in, patting the empty spot next to him, giving him a suggestive grin.

“Gimme a second” he says, “I got to lock up the weapons first” he says, leaning forward and removing a holster from his leg.

“Guns?” he asks, frowning, Bucky laughs and shakes his head.

“I don’t do guns much, Stevie” he says, holding up the holster, “Knives. I’ve always been good with knives!”

“Yeah?” he smiles at Bucky, “How many you carrying?”

“For this kind of job, 4 knives and a stick” he says, “A stick is practical if you don’t want to accidentally kill someone.”

“That’s why I like a shield” Steve says, “It’s for protecting, not hurting.”

“You know, that’s why Captain America has always been my favourite” Bucky smirks at him and Steve gets up from the couch, walking towards him and quirking his eyebrow.

“Yeah?” he grins, “Your favourite?”

“Maybe” he says, “Why? You got any response to that?”

[…]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways.  
> I saw endgame today (like, 6 hours ago), perks of living in the EU, we get them early and.  
> Holy fuck  
> that ending


	4. So call me maybe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wait” Steve frowns, “Does – are you a meme?”
> 
> “You know what a meme is?” Bucky asks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of this fic.  
> A little peek at their future together.  
> fluff

Bucky is awoken by his phone, loudly, and blindly reaches out to pick it up.

“Morning” he says, knowing who it is thanks to personalized ringtones, “What’s up Becca?”

“Have you been on the internet?” she asks, “Because you’re on it. Everywhere!”

“What?” he sits up, suddenly wide awake, “Please tell me there wasn’t some leak of me and Steve.”

“No – no not that” she says, “It’s so much better. There’s a video of you, from that job yesterday. It’s just a loop of you saying you’re gay.”

“Why?” he asks, hearing his sister laugh through the phone, “Why is that all over the internet?”

“Because, lil brother, it’s hilarious” she says, “It’s just you and that actress – Naomi – saying she’ll woo you, and then you looking like a deer caught in headlights going _I’m gay_. It’s fucking hilarious, Bucky. You have to see it, I sent you the link.”

“Bucky, what’s going on?” Steve asks sleepily next to him.

“Apparently I’m on the internet” he says, “Becs, I’m gonna hang up now. I’ll see you this afternoon?”

She hangs up before he can do it, Jamie shouting something in the background. And he pulls up the video she sent, watching himself blurt out that he’s gay for the whole wide world.

“Wait” Steve frowns, “Does – are you a _meme_?”

“You know what a meme is?” Bucky asks.

“Tony said it was important that I knew about modern internet culture. Clint tried to convince me to get something called a _tumblr?”_ he says, checking the time on the alarmclock on the bedside table, “Oh fuck. I have to get ready to leave! What time is your sister dropping off Jamie?”

“A little after noon” he says, “Call me when you’re free?”

“Sure thing!”

[…]

Bucky’s not sure how he got himself in this situation. He’s been recognized three times, people asking for selfies with him – it’s definitely weird – but that’s not why he’s feeling uncomfortable.

No, the problem is that right in front of him is Jack. The last guy he dated before enlisting. The guy that called him a manwhore and then stormed out. The man that said he was a slut and it was a miracle if he ever found anyone again. The man that started the argument between Bucky and his sister. The man that made him take off and enlist.

Fucking Jack.

“Hi there James” he smiles at him, and fuck he looks good.

“Jack” he replies, tersely, “How’ve you been?”

“Pretty good” he smiles, “We should catch up sometimes.”

He’s not sure how to reply, did he forget on what terms they split? Does he not realize how badly he fucked Bucky up? He doesn’t’ say anything as Jack steps closer.

“You look real good, James” he says, his eyes raking over him, “Saw you on TV last night. Looks like you landed on your feet pretty well.”

Bucky laughs, landed on his feet, “Yeah?” he shakes his head, “Took a while.”

He remembers starting out with Jack, they’d been friends for a while, hanging out after school. Flirting, the nervous holding hands and easing into an actual relationship. It was the first actual relationship Bucky actually had, the first time he didn’t just dive into bed with someone and hope they’d stick around the day after. He remembers feeling butterflies the first time they kissed. The first guy – person – he actually fell in love with. He remember it all going to hell – Jack pushing him onto the bed and Bucky being a bit reluctant, not sure he wanted to take that step yet. Everything being new, not wanting to mess things up. Jack was a lot of first for him – emotionally speaking. And seeing him now – a part of him suddenly wanted to have to all back.

“Look, uhm” he scratches the back of his head, “I’m glad I ran into you, to be honest. Back then, when we were dating, I – I wasn’t. I never should’ve said those things to you, James.”

Bucky stares at him, “What?” he frowns, “I – uhm.”

“I went back the next day, but your sister said you left” he says, “I realized I was being a dick and I shouldn’t have pressured you into anything just because you have more experience… I was just – nervous and I know that’s not an excuse.”

“Nervous?” Bucky frowns, and somehow they end up sitting on a park bench together.

“I hadn’t really been with a guy before – that way” he admits, “When you refused and said you wanted to take it slow I thought you weren’t attracted to me. That you knew about my inexperience and didn’t actually want me and I, I freaked out. I swear I wanted to undo it the second it happened, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. Where did you go?”

“I joined the army, Jack” he says, “Did a few deployments” he says, holding up his arm, “Lost my arm, joined a study and got a new arm. And now I’m doing private security for rich people.”

“Holy fuck” he says, “You enlisted?”

“Yeah. You stormed out and I got into a huge fight with Becca” he says, “We both said some crap, I took off.”

“I’m so sorry, James” he looks sincere, and for some reason Bucky believes him. they were both young and stupid back then.

“You know, for a long time I blamed you” he admits, “I woke up in a hospital room without my left arm and I told myself that, if we hadn’t had that fight, I never would’ve stormed out. I never would’ve joined, and I would still have my arm. But at some point, I realized that I couldn’t keep pretending that someone else made my choices for me. I’m doing okay now, you know. Becca and I patched things up, and I get to be an uncle to her awesome daughter. I got a pretty cool job to pay the bills. And I’m dating a pretty cool guy. It’s all okay.”

“I’m glad to hear that”

“How about you Jack? What did you do?”

“I – uhm – I didn’t do so well” he says quietly, avoiding Bucky’s gaze, “After the fight, I came over a few times. But you were never there, eventually your sister got a restraining order against me. I felt so guilty, you were gone and I felt responsible for causing a rift between you and your sister. I failed my exams – started going out a lot – got in with some bad people. And then aliens attacked New York and I kind of got a wake-up call.”

“Damn. I wasn’t here when it happened” he says, “Were you – what happened?”

“I didn’t think I had a drinking problem, you know” he says, “And then a building collapsed and I was stuck for 3 days. I had water – somehow, a small miracle – but I got withdrawal symptoms from not drinking. After I was rescued, I cleaned up my act and got back into school. Graduated and got my degree in communications.”

“I’m glad you landed on your feet” Bucky says, “You know, the one thing I learned during recovery is that it doesn’t really matter how badly you fucked up – as long as you fix things up after. We all went through our own crap”

“Yeah” he smiles again, “You think you and I would’ve still been together if things had gone differently?”

“I don’t know” he shrugs, “Maybe. We were pretty good together. But we were really young, too.”

“True” he laughs, “We’re still young enough though.”

“Maybe”

“This fella you’re dating” he says, “He a good guy?”

“The best” he says.

“Does he treat you okay? Or can I still ask you out for coffee and take a shot?”

“He’s a great guy, Jack” he snorts, “But – how about you give me your number and we can catch up soon?”

“That would be nice” he says, then pauses – clearly hesitating about what to say next, “Did you – uhm – talk to someone after – you know?”

“A therapist?” he asks, Jack nods, “Yeah, I did. Did you? After you got rescued?”

Jack shakes his head, “I know a good guy” he says, “a friend of mine. I know that it’s expensive and health insurance doesn’t cover crap but – I know some people. Maybe I can help you out.”

“Yeah? Would you do that? For – me?”

“Yeah Jack” he grins, “I know you’re not a bad guy. We both fucked up in ways we can’t take back – but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the help we need.”

[…]

“Mister Barnes” Naomi sounds happy, “So – that video of you last night is trending and I’ve had some calls – apparently some talk-shows want to book you?”

“Oh” he freezes in the middle of the sidewalk, “Why?”

“This is your fifteen minutes, Barnes” she replies, “Do you want it?”

“Uhm – I never really wanted to be famous?” he replies hesitantly.

“So – here’s the thing about fifteen minutes, Barnes” she says, clearly not planning to give up easily, “You’re not the only one that gets fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes means you can get attention to anything you like. Something you find important – some charity you think should get more attention. This is your chance to get attention to it.”

“Seriously?” he asks, “How about my job – won’t it hurt my future employment?”

“I told you before, Barnes – I plan on hiring you again – and a lot” she says, “I’m a 24 year old woman in Hollywood – do you have any ideas how many creeps are after me?”

“I can only imagine” he says, “What – uhm – what talkshows?”

She starts listing them and they agree to meet up later on the day to plan things, “This is kind of fun” she admits, “I’m like – your agent now. It’s cool.”

“Yeah” he laughs, “I’m -  uh – I’ll have to check with my boyfriend first.”

“What, he own you or something?”

“No – it’s just, uhm. Look, this is between us, okay?” he says, “He’s kind of – famous? I just don’t think he’s out to the public and I think a lot of people would be really pissed if he – you know. So yeah, I’m going to at least let him know about it.”

“Okay – I’ll see you later” she says, “Have a good day, Barnes.”

“You too, Smith”

[…]

Honestly, he’s not sure why he’s sitting here. Why he fucking agreed to this? But apparently this is a well-known show? And what Naomi said about getting attention to a charity really struck a chord.

So now he’s sitting there, stressed out and trying to ignore the cameras.

“So – mister Barnes” she smiles, “What has life been like since your face turned up everywhere on the internet?”

“Weird” he says, “Mostly people stopping me and asking for selfies. Had some people flirting with me too…”

“That can’t be that bad?”

“Ah – well – I’m in fact dating someone” he says, “But apart from that – it’s not as bad as I feared.”

“That’s good to hear” she nods, “So – tell me something about yourself? I heard you are ex-military?”

“Yeah” he nods, “We were kind of past the _don’t ask don’t tell_ thing, but I still decided not to tell most people” he says, “Besides, being overseas isn’t the best place to start dating anyways.”

“So – how was it coming back?” she asks, sounding genuinely interested.

“Honestly? It fucking sucked” he says, “I woke up in a hospital with my arm missing. The only reason I made it through was the local VA. But I have a lot of buddies who – didn’t.”

He looks away, swallowing and trying not to think about his buddies.

“Didn’t? You mean – didn’t have the VA?”

“I mean – didn’t make it through” he says, “Men who survived the war and then came home only to be shunned by society. Men who survived being prisoners of war – only to come home and be dismissed by every person that was supposed to help them. Men who didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel – but only the end of a barrel.”

“Must be hard.”

“It is” he nods, “I was lucky. I survived getting blown up, I got to come home alive. I got to fix my relationship with my sister and I got to enroll in a study to get a state of the art prosthetic. Not everyone is that lucky.”

“So you’ve lost someone?”

“Yeah. My best buddy overseas… he got home and he suffered from PTSD. It was really bad – you know?” he says, “I took him to the local VA, tried to get him the help he needed – but there was just so much – paperwork! He shot himself through the head a month before his first appointment at the psych.”

“I’m sorry that happened.”

“Yeah, me too” he sighs, “You know, I don’t want to be famous. But miss Smith – she called me and said that – if I agreed to this – I could bring some attention to other things. Things that matter. So I agreed.”

“I guess she makes a good point” the host agrees, “So – what is important to you?”

“Military. More importantly – the way they’re treated when they come back” he says, “I know a lot of people don’t agree with what they do. The thing is – a lot of people joining up didn’t have another choice. People who got out of high school after a life time of hearing they’ll never live up to anything. Kids who joined up because it was the only job that didn’t reject them. People who got in way too young and got out way too young, without ever learning how to process all the crap they’ve seen.”

“What do you mean?”

“I enlisted after getting into a fight with my sister” he explains, “I was twenty years old, bored of school – and I needed a job. The army seemed like a good choice, so I joined. I was good at it. My superiors praised me – I had excellent aim – I could throw a knife with shocking accuracy. And I excelled. And then I got deployed, and I was excited, you know? I had been working towards this, for so – so long. My week ended with a kid dying in my arms and my superior telling me to shake it off. Rebels invading a local town and trying to suppress the locals by threatening their kids. We got there – just a second too late. Not soon enough before they started shooting kids. Not soon enough to – just – too late.”

“I – uhm.”

“You don’t have to say anything” he replies, “That’s what the army does. You desensitize yourself. You shake it off and move on. You get better.”

“How many tours?”

“Three” he says, “Well – technically four, but I got blown up during the first week of number four so…”

“Can you talk about anything?”

“No” he says, “I was – I still am – under a contract. Having perfect aim comes with a price.”

“Oh”

There’s a silence, “Like I said” Bucky continues, “I got lucky. I was able to get the help I needed. I ended up at the VA where Sam Wilson works, and he – fuck – he pretty much saved my life? I got better – I got a job – I got a great guy. It’s just that – we need more people, you know? We need more qualified people working at the VA – people willing to do what it takes – people able to see the signs and take action. So nobody else has to – you know.”

“It’s a very noble thing you’re doing, James” she says, nodding solemnly, “I will definitely make a donation to your cause.”

“Thank you” he smiles and she coughs a little.

“Now – what were you saying about this great guy?”

“Ah – uh – yeah” he bites his lip, hoping he’s not blushing too hard, but knowing that he probably is blushing way too hard.

“How’d you meet him?”

“Slipped him my number when I was still half drunk after going out at 4am” he scratches his neck nervously, “He was out with colleagues, didn’t actually expect him to reach out – but he did.”

“Sounds like it worked out, though?” she asks, smirking at him.

“Well, apparently he wasn’t out to his friends at the moment, and they thought it was hilarious” he replies, “So yeah. I honestly didn’t even remember giving him my number. I – he’s someone in the public eye, kind of. I’m glad it worked out though, he’s pretty amazing.”

“Well, James, I wish you the best of luck” she smiles again, “Thank you for coming on the show.”

She turns towards the camera, and James is lead off the set, into the dressing room to have his make-up removed and go home.

[…]

Steve’s been fidgeting all afternoon.

“Okay, what is up?” Bucky asks, pausing the TV-show they’ve been watching and turning towards him.

“I – I uhm” he bites his lip, “I saw your interview. And it made me think – maybe I should come out. Like, publicly.”

“Because of my interview?” Bucky frowns, “You know you don’t have to, not unless you choose to do it. I don’t want to pressure you!”

“No – it’s just that” he sighs, “I was scrolling through twitter after it and…”

“Oh no” Bucky sighs as well, “Let me guess. Homophobic people?”

“Someone used a picture of me to say homophobic shit” he says, “And when I saw it I felt like – god – I just wanted to throw my phone against the well.”

“Coming out might not fix that? There will be people out there trying to fuck things up for you” he says.

“Maybe – but at least they’ll hate me for who I really am. And stop using my image for hating on gay people” he says, “It’s just – if I come out they might find out about their relationship. So – would you be okay with that?”

“I don’t know Steve. Like I said – I’m not eager to be in the public eye. But – as Naomi taught me – it does give me a platform to talk about important things. And in this situation – I guess the good outweighs the bad” he says, “I’ve already thought about this, Steve. If I’m honest, I thought about it before we even talked about actually dating for real. I tried to keep my distance at first – keeping it to texting because I knew this could be a next step – and I’m not gonna lie, babe. It scares me. But I feel like – if you’re there – I could definitely handle it.”

“So – you’re with me?”

“Til the end of the line, buddy” he grins, “Have you thought about how you want to come out yet?”

“A bit?” he shrugs, “I discussed it with Pepper – she said she would love to talk to you about being in the public eye through a relationship, if you wanted to. Anyways – she showed me some videos.”

“And?”

“Well – I’m not a fan of the official press conference” he says, turning a bit more towards Bucky, “I liked the ones where they’re just ‘actually, I’m dating someone and he’s pretty cool’, you know. Focus on being in love, not on being gay?”

“I liked that one too” Bucky says, “I think some actor from the Big Bang Theory did that? I’m not sure.”

“Maybe just casually mention someone looking hot” he grins, “Maybe a talkshow interview? Or just – stop hiding?”

“Stop hiding?” he asks.

“Yeah – as in” he grins, “Not coming over wearing a hat and sunglasses, but just – being recognizable. Not going into places separately and getting a table in a corner of an empty restaurant. Maybe just – you being there as my plus one when there’s some gala?”

“Yeah?” Bucky smile widens, “Like – this?”

He reaches out, taking Steve’s hand in his, “Holding your hand and walk down the street together?”

Steve nods, leaning towards him and capturing his lips in a kiss, “Maybe even do this” he says.

“Not look over our shoulders, afraid that someone might be there with a camera?”

“Being free?”

“I mean – we did both fight in wars for our freedom” Bucky says, “Seems only fair we should benefit from it!”

“Maybe even go to pride together?” Steve smiles, “You know – the gay pride parade. Obviously.”

“Yeah, what’s even up with that?”

“Maybe they should rename it? Instead of ‘Straight Pride’ parade, how the ‘desperately trying to bury our own gay thoughts by being homophobic because no one taught us how to access our emotions as children’ parade?” Steve says, making Bucky laugh.

 

“I don’t know babe, that might be a bit too on the nose!” he replies, leaning in for another kiss, “Besides – let them be. I feel like – if their straight parade is going through – there might be some gay people hijacking it. If I understand correctly they’re not allowed to turn anyone away based on their sexual preferences. So there’s nothing they can do.”

 

“You know – things are better than when I was young” Steve says, “But fuck, there’s still a lot to be done.”

 

“I’ll tell you this though” Bucky says softly, “You coming out? It’s going to change things. There will be kids seeing that and they’ll realize it’s okay to be themselves. No matter what they might be taught at home, you know?”

 

“Thank you” Steve smiles, “For being there for me.”

“Anytime, babe, anytime.”

 

[…]

Steve doesn’t come out in a press conference.

He doesn’t do a talkshow.

He doesn’t accidentally mention having a boyfriend.

He asks Bucky if he’s free for lunch, and they meet up at the place they first met. He greets Bucky with a chaste kiss and a smile, and Bucky blushes. Trying to ignore the girl across the street that is looking at them through her camera phone.

They go inside, and they get a table by the window.

The pictures go viral before they’ve even left the diner. The requests for statements have been pouring in non-stop, and when they get home Steve closes the curtains.

Steve moves into Bucky’s place 2 months later.

He never felt that much at home in his own place – with his magazine spread interior and fancy but scratchy sheets.

It’s not a huge apartment, but it’s theirs.

He spends his free time with Bucky watching Jamie or going on trips.

Every once in a while he goes out and saves people, and then gets welcomed home by Bucky, being fussy over him and forcing him to lay down and sleep for 24 hours.

He likes that – having someone treat him like he’s still that small guy from before the war.

There’s pictures of their dates online, in magazines. But after a month, they no longer make the cover every week. After two months, they’re just a line in a magazine “Captain America and his boyfriend spotter having lunch at the park”, not even a photo.

There’s new news every week, and they’re not news anymore.

When Bucky asks how he feels about marriage they talk about it. And by talking he means, Steve asks him to marry him instantly and Bucky pulls a ring from his back pocket.

“It was my dad’s” he says, “Becca gave it to me when you moved in”

[…]

They get married accompanied by their closest friends, maybe 15 people there in total. Jamie wears a rainbow dress and throws flower petals at them, giggling brightly.

Steve catches Bucky staring at her, a longing look in his eyes.

They don’t talk about it, kids. Too scared to voice something they both want but might not have. When Becca gives birth to a son just before their second wedding anniversary, they have a short conversation about it.

“I want kids” Bucky says, “It’s just – I know it might not be possible for us. Who’s going to give their child to us? You’re a walking target, I’m a veteran with massive trauma. I want kids. But I don’t want to be unhappy just because we can’t have any. I want to be happy with you, Steve. I want to see what lives gives us, maybe keep hoping for it, just a little. Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah, Bucky, I am!”

[…]

Steve misses their 3rd wedding anniversary when he gets called out on a mission. He doesn’t come home after, calls Bucky to come to the tower.

“It was bad Bucky” he says, “They were experimenting on kids.”

“Fuck”

“Tony and Pepper have been making calls – but, they’re not going to find a home for them” he explains, “We don’t know what they did to them…”

“We can” Bucky says, looking at Steve, “We can handle anything. Right?”

“Right?”

 The oldest kids are 17 year old twins, Wanda and Pietro, who stay in the tower under Tony’s watchful eye.

The youngest are only babies, saved before they started any experiments and on their way to a loving family.

Which leaves a 4 year old girl

The girl has to stay under supervision for a while, but Bucky and Steve visit her every day. Temporarily moving into the tower as Tony supervises the renovations on their flat.

They’re still in the small apartment, but Tony bought them the one above it and has his builders expand it.

“It’s a late wedding gift” he says, even though he paid for their honeymoon as a wedding gift, “Don’t mention it.”

The girl is just – a regular kid. Except she’s very strong – tests show that they used her to test a replica of Steve’s Serum.  She doesn’t have names yet – test subjects don’t get names. They let her choose a name. She asks what the names are of the girls they know. She chooses Peggy, it suits her.

[…]

It’s not easy – but they never thought it would be. They take her home, and she fits into their lives perfectly. There’s ups and downs, and moments that are just – perfectly inbetweens.

“That night when I slipped you my number” Bucky asks one night, leaning against Steve as he listens to Peggy breathe through the baby monitor, “What did you think would happen?”

“I don’t know, Bucky” he replies, “I just thought you looked – kind. And hot.”

“Did you think it might lead to this?” he asks, gesturing towards their home, including the picture of them holding Peggy.

“I didn’t” he says, “But I’m glad it did.”

“Yeah, me too” Bucky says.

“Want to see something?” Steve asks, he leans over and grabs his wallet from the side table, pulling out a little note.

 _“I can blow your mind and your dick_ ” it reads.

“I honestly don’t remember writing that” Bucky says, frowning as he watches Steve turn it over to reveal something else written on the note.

“ _or if you just need a friend_ ”

“I’m glad you texted” Bucky says, leaning more into Steve’s side.

“Yeah – I am too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this kind of took on a life of its own
> 
> If you're looking for a next stucky fic, read my "new" extremely fluffy one "Just a kiss"  
> :)

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a second chapter. Might take some time though.  
> Hope you guys like it :)  
> Let me know.


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